Through a Veil of Tears...

Many of you probably know that my family and I lost a dear friend last week – “Uncle” Chuck Schumann. Closer than any blood relative, I can't remember a time when he wasn’t my “uncle” and friend across the street. Over the years he did ministry with my parents, gave us kids rides on his motorcycle, walked into our house (quite frequently) to hang out and snitch dessert, supported us (kids) in our various musical endeavors, and mentored and led us as we traveled to Taiwan to serve the Lord. He skied and played paintball with us. He loved to joke and laugh and delighted in the thrill of adventure everywhere he went. He lived a full life.

Walking into my house unannounced...typical. :)

The past few weeks have been full of tears and crying out to the Lord to heal Uncle Chuck. Which…He did. The Lord healed him in the best way possible – by freeing him from his pain forever and placing a crown of righteousness on His faithful servant. Uncle Chuck is beholding the face of Jesus. He is singing with the angels and worshiping His Lord. What a glorious reward!

Those of us who are Christians are left here on earth with a strange mixture of joy, hope, and peace pierced with a deep aching sorrow. But while we grieve, we recognize that this is only a temporary separation, and that one day we will all be united with the King, worshiping together at His throne. May His name be praised!

Sometimes we feel angry at God for taking loved ones away so soon. But God is teaching me that I have no right to be angry. I felt angry because God “robbed” me of memories that still could have been made. I “deserved” one last memory with Uncle Chuck at my wedding. But no…the Lord gently whispered in my ear that none of that was mine in the first place. It is all God’s.

Yet we can’t discount the grief. It is good to grieve – but we must grieve as Job did. As his life came crashing down around him, he tore his robes and shaved his head. But then…he fell to the ground in worship. And he spoke this truth: “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21b)

Always smiling. :)

I am thankful for the memories I had with Uncle Chuck. I am thankful for photos that were taken. I am thankful that I had the privilege of serving God together with him. I am thankful for the years of being his neighbor. But most of all, I am thankful that through His death on the cross and resurrection from the tomb, Jesus conquered death. Therefore, death is not the end – it is just “See you later.” We have the hope of being reunited. We have the joy and peace of knowing that he is free of his broken body and is receiving his reward in heaven.

I miss Uncle Chuck. So much that sometimes, all that I can do is sit and weep. Without him here on earth, there is a void that is no longer filled by his presence. But, through a veil of tears, I look forward to the day of the Lord’s return – when He will wipe every tear from our eyes, when we will finally behold the Father face-to-face, and when we can bow together in worship at His throne, singing praises to the Lamb who is worthy of ALL our praise. 

Lord, Haste the Day!

Everywhere around me I see brokenness and pain.

Broken relationships.

Terminal illness and physical suffering.

Divorce.

A mother who has lost a child.

Cancer.

A girl who struggles with self-injury.

And there is so much more. It’s everywhere. The world is so broken.

Sometimes all I feel is the oppressive burden of this brokenness.

I long for the day when all things will be made right. I long for the day when there will be no more mourning or crying or pain.

Oh Lord, haste the day!

Someday He will make all things new. That day is not now. But in the meantime, I find comfort in the fact that Christ has overcome the world! And so we do not lose heart. And He has promised that His hand will sustain us and His arm will strengthen us (Ps. 89:21).  Still, I can’t wait for that day.

Come Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Isaiah 51:11

The ransomed of the Lord will return.
    They will enter Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
    and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Changes

The past few months have brought on a lot of changes:

Graduated from college.

Got married(!!).

Moved – from VA to PA to IN.

New friends, new job, new town, new church, new husband, new routine, new house…everything is new, new, NEW!

Good changes, but changes nonetheless. And if you know me, you know that I am quite resistant to change. Change is HARD.

And although it has been a challenge at times (what new bride wants to live out of suitcases and boxes for several months?), I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how I’ve taken it all in stride. Praise the Lord – it is all because of HIM. It helps that I have a husband who loves me deeply walking through this new phase of life with me. It helps that we arrived into a “built-in” community at the CPAF office who welcomed us so warmly. It really helps that I am at peace because I know that this is exactly where God wants me. But most of all, I find my greatest comfort in the fact that throughout all of these changes, my God is rock steady. He is always there for me; He always loves me; and He will always provide. I am SO thankful.

What I love about my new home/life:

·         Jonathan and I finally have our own little place, and it’s newly remodeled and oh-so-beautiful!

·         We live right by a park and a beautiful lake, complete with stunning sunsets every evening

·         We’ve found a great church already

·         I LOVE working in an office that prays together every morning. I love working with people who love Jesus and each other.

·         I like my job and what I’ll be doing this year (alumni relations and coordinating ministry outreach). At least, I like it so far. J

·         I like being in a routine again.

·         I like practicing whatever I want, whenever I want. J

·         I have more free time to do things that I’ve put off over the past several years because of the stress of being in school. That may change as we get more connected in the community!

Our first full day here - sunset over Winona Lake

The Adventure We Never Asked For

Yesterday turned out being much more eventful than we had planned.

Our long-awaited trip to Indiana was finally here. We were sad to leave Pennsylvania but excited for our next stage in life.

We BARELY fit our belongings into our Toyota Avalon (a small miracle considering how much we had) and started off on what was to be a 9- or 10-hour drive.

THEN, in the middle of Ohio, near the hick-town of Mansfield, as I was accelerating up a hill, I heard this TERRIBLE noise coming from under the hood. Claire didn’t hear it right away (it wasn’t loud per se), but I knew it didn’t sound right. Luckily, we were just at a rest stop, so we pulled off. Looking under the hood we couldn’t see anything, and after calling my dad and talking to a man at the rest stop we thought it was nothing important, perhaps a fan vibrating or something in the tire. Getting back on the highway, however, it got even worse, so we immediately got off the next exit. This time when we looked under the hood the problem was obvious.

A spark plug blew– there it was lying, broken, on top of the engine.

Two unkempt old men, one smoking a cigar, pulled up in an old, oversized, wood-panel-side sedan, took a look at the engine and by their reaction we knew it wasn’t good. They gave us a number of a local mechanic who had a “Wrecker” (I found out that meant “tow truck,” a term which I much prefer to “wrecker” when it’s picking up my car). No one answered the phone so they offered to go find this mechanic themselves.

As we sat waiting it started pouring rain. With our car off and the windows up we were just sweating in the heat of our car, fearing the worst. On top of this I had a headache that felt like a migraine.

Finally the “wrecker” came and (long story short) after assessing the situation we decided to be towed the whole way out to our final destination rather than stay in hick-ville Mansfield till at least Tuesday when shops opened again after Labor Day (it probably would have been a bit longer since most mechanics are patriotic and don’t work on foreign cars). Cost of tow: $550 (and he even gave us a deal!)

So, for the next three hours we rode with one of the most colorful/crass men you’d ever meet (the kinda guy you might expect to drive a “wrecker”) to Winona Lake. Since the cab of the truck only had 2 seats, Claire and I had to share one. Not very conducive to butt comfort. On top of all of this, I had to pee like my life depended on it, and my headache was getting worse.

Finally we arrived, exhausted, and pretty much went right to bed (after moving in a few things to our new apartment). The next morning I woke up, the headache gone. You know what my first thought was?

I’m so blessed.

I don’t know why God allowed this whole fiasco to happen. And I don’t even know how much it’ll be to fix the engine (and I’m pretty sure it’ll be at least 500 dollars), but this doesn’t compare to all the blessings I’ve received.

I have a family and a wife who love me.

We’ve been SOOO blessed financially this past year.

We’ve been so warmly welcomed out here in Winona Lake and we LOVE our apartment.

We have a bright, if uncertain, future.

And most importantly, we are loved and forgiven by God. Nothing else really matters much in comparison.

We ask for your prayers as we adjust to life out here, and for minimal cost in fixing our engine. I hope to keep this blog more updated to keep you all posted on our Indiana adventures!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

-James 1:2-4

Until next time...

Goodbye Harrisonburg.

Goodbye, JMU – 4 years later, I’m walking away with a bachelor’s degree and many, many fond memories on your campus. Oh the memories! Incredible professors. Dhall. The Quad. Forbes, the Music Building, and the School of Music. Amazing friendships. Challenges and growth. Insane Asylum. Snowpocalypse. Recitals. D-Unit.

Goodbye, Apartment E – you’ve been a wonderful home. From laughter to tears, you’ve seen it all (on a weekly basis). You’ve witnessed 3 girls forge a friendship that will continue for the rest of our lives. Christmas trees and lights. Cookies. Smiggling. Late night snacks. Homemade pizza. Birthday surprises. Notes of love.

Goodbye, Kline’s – please, would you have peanut butter cookies and cream whenever I visit? You will always be one of my favorite ice cream places!

Goodbye, Harrisonburg traffic lights. I won’t miss you at all.

And the hardest for last…

Goodbye, Covenant Presbyterian Church, and all the wonderful people that attend there. You have truly become my church family. Thank you to all the wonderful families that have taken me into their home (decorating for Christmas, flying kites, jumping on a trampoline, babysitting adorable girls, surprise birthday party, bridal shower, holding a yard sale…what more could I ask for?). Thank you to the incredible pastors who love the Lord, love God’s people, and are passionate and committed to speaking truth in love. God bless you for your faithfulness – and don’t worry, I will be back! J

I am thankful for how God has blessed me above and beyond what I asked for or deserve. Harrisonburg will always have a special place in my heart.

So goodbye Harrisonburg…until next time!

The grass is (rarely) greener on the other side...

Sometimes it’s easy to fall prey into the lie that “once I achieve ____” or “once I have ____”, THEN I’ll be happy. Or then I’ll truly be fulfilled.

Once I get that perfect 100 on that test, then I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something to be proud of.

Once I am engaged, then I’ll feel peace and be secure.

Once I am married, then my life will really start.

Once I graduate, then I’ll have time to really enjoy life.

Or, sometimes I go the other direction and think, “I really miss how my life used to be. It used to be so good back when…(you fill in the blank)”

But you know what? I am never more “happy” than I was before. Sure, I am enjoying married life, but that doesn’t mean I wake up every morning thinking “Wow, I am just so THRILLED to be ALIVE!” Maybe I need to start thinking that way more, though. J Either way, it doesn’t feel like I’ve reached a whole new level of fulfillment, and I need to stop buying into the lie that the next achievement/stage of life will give me more contentment.

As the Apostle Paul says, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” (Phil 4:11b)

And I am so very thankful for how God has blessed me in my life now (and in the past couple of years).

So yes, I am learning. And will continue to learn.

To be continued in my next post: Goodbye Harrisonburg (a recap/thankfulness post for the ways God has blessed me in the past 4 years).

Independence Day from a Mennonite Perspective

Two points before I get started. First, a disclaimer, I don't necessarily consider myself a Mennonite. First and foremost, I am a Christian: A believer in and follower of Christ. However, growing up in a Mennonite church, and attending a Mennonite university, I can't deny the influence of Mennonite theology on my own. (I am currently attending a Presbyterian/PCA church, which in many ways has been a refreshing change). Secondly, I am merely sharing my own views on this important holiday, please feel free to comment, but I do not want this to become a "typical" political discussion as I often see (and, admittedly, take part in) on Facebook.

Independence Day is the day when we celebrate the United States declaring herself free from England. My first question is this: what is "independence"? The freedom that we often associate with "independence" is a wonderful gift, and while I don't support most wars and military action, I don't deny the price that was paid for many of the freedoms that I often take for granted. But is "independence" really what we as Christians should idealize? Even though my own political beliefs lean libertarian, aren't we as Christians supposed to recognize our weaknesses and be "co-dependent"? I'm all for limited government involvement in society, but does this breed a selfish "I can do everything myself" mentality?

Independence Day is also probably the most "patriotic" holiday on the American calendar. While I don't have anything wrong with patriotism per se, I get uncomfortable sometimes when Christianity is mixed with patriotism. Yes, there is Romans 13:7 ("Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed."), but to me "honor" is different from "worship." We are called to honor Barack Obama like we were called to honor George Bush, and yes, even our senators and representatives. But this doesn't mean we blindly accept everything they do or give our unconditional allegiance to them.

Jesus says "my Kingdom is not of this world." I believe our mission as Christians is solely the expansion of God's Kingdom. Politics and the expansion of America's "kingdom" (i. e., Democracy) can just be a distraction. What good is it if people experience the freedom of democracy (don't get me wrong, I believe it's a good thing), but don't experience ultimate freedom in Christ? Millions, even billions, have never experienced this freedom - shouldn't this be a priority for us as Christians rather than making sure Iran doesn't get nuclear weapons or China doesn't continue its persecution of dissidents? Also, what about the Pledge of Allegiance? Many people say it without thinking, but what are we really pledging allegiance to? What if our government asks us to do something contrary to Christ's commands? I pledge my allegiance to Christ alone.


Independence Day is also a time for the promotion of the idea of "American exceptionalism," which I even see Christians taking part in. I love Michael W. Smith's music, but I was disappointed the other year when I heard him perform at the Creation Music Festival. Toward the end of the concert he started playing patriotic songs, waving a huge American flag around and shouting "I love this country!" In another context that might not bother me as much, but just a moment before we were worshiping God and then in an instant it seemed to change to a worship service for our country. Is it just me or does this seem like idolatry? I truly believe that no other country has been more influenced by Biblical Christianity than America, but does this make us any "better" than every other country? In Christ there is no Jew or Greek (no American citizen or illegal alien - how's that for a political statement?!). At the end of time when we are finally with Christ (and no longer strangers and aliens on Earth) there will be praising God saints from EVERY tribe, nation and tongue. What a beautiful vision!


I hope I don't offend anyone. I merely want to share some of my complex political views (which do tend to be conservative, believe it or not) during this important holiday. I welcome any confidential messages if you feel I am in error or you want to discuss this further in a way that might start a political "battle" if posted publicly. My number one goal is to honor God and I hope I am not dishonoring anyone else unintentionally. Soli deo gloria.