Letting Go

Have you ever clenched something so tightly that your nails dig into your palms and your knuckles turn white? I see it every day when Levi grabs my hair and hangs on for dear life! A common refrain these days is, “Hey dude – let go of Mommy’s hair!” Of course, he has no idea what I’m saying, so I have to grab his little fingers and pry them open.

God is gently, slowly prying my own fingers open. One by one. He’s teaching me about letting go. It’s a challenging season of life for me – lots of change in a short time. From becoming a family of three to our upcoming move overseas, we’re in a season of transition and change. And it’s hard! I feel like I have to let go of nearly everything in my life from the past 3 ½ years.

I’m learning to let go of my own agenda because my son’s needs are greater than my own wants (goodbye sleep!).

In December, I had to let go of my home for 3 years and move into a new place that really doesn’t feel like home.

In a few short weeks, MasterWorks will be moving on to a new place and in a new direction. Without me. My friends are leaving. Working for MasterWorks these past few years has been more than a job. It’s been my community, my ministry, and a great joy for me. And we’re parting ways.

Then in May, we’re moving out of Winona Lake and saying goodbye to a community that has welcomed us with open arms and become our home.

I’m sorting through all of our stuff in preparation for the move and giving away the majority of our material possessions. And I feel sad. Maybe I shouldn’t feel sad about packing up my iron, blender, dishes, and towels and giving them all away (I mean, really, Claire? You’re attached to your towels?!?!). But I do feel a bittersweetness in the tangible, physical act of closing one chapter as God opens another.

I’m challenged/encouraged when I read about the calling of the first disciples. Jesus said, “Follow Me” and they left everything to follow Him. I’m convinced that if I were to ask each disciple today if it was worth it, the answer would be a resounding “Yes!” I’m not even leaving everything behind, but God is still revealing to me that I have based a lot of my happiness and security in stuff that (in the long run) doesn’t really matter.

When lots of things are uncertain and I know that my life will look completely different a year from now, I am SO thankful that my God is unchanging. He’s promised to always walk with me. A wise woman of God shared this verse with me this past week and I am comforted by His promises to me:

As I go down unfamiliar paths, He will guide me! And He will make those rough places – those hard patches – smooth. He won’t forsake me. What a precious promise. Amen, Lord, let it be so.