Reflections on the first 3 months of Mommyhood

This is real life!

I have a confession: Sometimes I don’t want to be a mom. Don’t get me wrong – I love my son! I really do. But sometimes when I just can’t take the crying anymore, when every feeding and naptime is a battle, when I remember the freedom that I used to have to hang out with friends wherever and whenever… Sometimes I sit in my house and cry because it is SO HARD to be mom to a little one 24/7, and I just want things to go back to how they were before.

Hearing the stories of those who want to be mommies but aren’t able to or have lost their own little ones puts everything in perspective for me (one particular momma’s story that has really touched me recently can be found on her blog here). Their stories convict my complaining heart and turn my broken prayers into grateful praises to the Lord for how He has blessed me. I have an easygoing, happy, healthy little dude, and I am thankful. Lest I paint a too dreary picture of motherhood (especially for those of you who have yet to have kids – don’t let me scare you!), let me say that there are many times of joy and laughter. So many. In reality, more of my time is spent smiling and laughing with my son rather than crying. My heart melts when he smiles at me every morning from his crib. His baby giggles are soo cute I can’t help but laugh along with him every time. I just think that we are often guilty of painting a picture of an idyllic life of perfection.

It’s so easy to put on a front of being the “perfect” mom – I’m guilty of that. I look at my own Facebook page and if you were a stranger looking at it for the first time, you might think that I have a son who is always smiling (who majors in being cute) and that motherhood is a breeze for me. It’s not. Let me be honest: being a mommy is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve struggled in the past 3 months more than I ever thought I would. There were many days of tears! If you know me well, you’ll know that I tend to succeed at most everything I do (that’s because I usually only attempt things I know I can do! =P). Well, motherhood is clearly not that way. And my life isn’t perfect by any means! Just ask my husband about the time he came home a few weeks ago and I was curled up in bed sobbing into my pillow because I was just SO DONE for the day.

Part of me thinks that I should end with something “spiritual” to wrap it all up with a pretty bow to close, but I am at a loss. There are lots of things I could share, but I would probably be repeating someone who could share truth much more eloquently than me (see the list of resources at the bottom of this post for all that good stuff). Mostly I just wanted to be real, because I think that is often lacking in our lives today, especially in the social media world. I will say to close though: I love my son. He is the cutest thing that ever happened to me, and he brings me great joy. Mommyhood is hard, but it is also good. God is good. He is faithful. And His grace is sufficient. Onward and upward as we fix our eyes on Jesus, Mamas!

[As a side note: Those of you who have more than one child are probably like, “Just wait until she has more than one!” I confess – I don’t know how you do it! I am sure, though, that God gives grace upon grace as needed.]

Resources that have encouraged and blessed me:

·       CD: Hidden in My Heart: A Lullaby Journey Through Scripture (3 volumes)

·       Book: Mom Enough

·       Blogpost: “Dear Mama of Littles” by Christine Hoover

·       Blogpost: “When Mothering is Hard and No One Sees” by Shalene Roberts